I ran to Rancherito's

I didn't really. I just went there after floating down the Provo River with some friends (something that should be on everyone's Provo bucket list, btw -- butt don't go until August because the water will be butt-freezing cold). After two hours of sitting hunched in a heavy-duty tube as your friends try to push you into the water while you shout, "Stop it! I don't want to get my sunglasses wet!" nothing can beat Mexican food.

Rancherito's is in the snazzy part of Provo: right across from DI and surrounded by every impound lot in the city. There's also some foliage. It's open 24/7 so that you can meet your Mexican needs any time of day.

The decor at Rancherito's is especially nice: bright colors, fancy metal wall hangings, and classy tile. If you've ever driven through a San Diego neighborhood in close proximity to a Taco Bell and Catholic church, you'll know what I'm talking about. ¡Holas, muchachos puedemos aprender tiene!

So before I start freaking out about how good the food is, I'll describe other things to you. I'll admit that before I came to Rancherito's, I had yet to find a Mexican food place in Provo that made Mexican food up to Provo Food Blog's Mexican Food Quality Standards (which we can acronymize as PFBMFQS). The places I had eaten at where too bland or had too much bang and not enough of that Mexicany zang. The food was Mexican't, not Mexican.

When I ate at Rancherito's, I finally realized all this. It's like something had been missing in my life, but I didn't realize until I found it. It's like I had ended a journey I didn't know I was on. It's like I had filled a hole I didn't know I had. It was like holding your own cat for the first time.

Now let me tell you why come the food is so good.

I ordered the Carne Asada Burrito. This little number is made of perfectly tender steak seasoned to zangy goodness, the perfect amount of pico de gallo, and GUACAMOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! It really is to die for, especially the guacamole part. They take them avocados, moosh up to the perfect texture, then put just the right amount of seasoning to enhance that delicious avocado taste. Man, I die, man. Dig a hole and bury me in 6 feet of mooshed avocado Rancherito goodness. Deeeeeeyuung.

Eating at Rancherito's is an experience you'll look back on again and again until you go there again. If you think there's a better Mexican place in Provo, let me know. In the mean time,I want some guacamole.

Guys, don't hate me, but I love Guru's

Whenever someone from the outside world comes to visit me, when it's time for lunch, I ask, "What are you in the mood for? Mexican? Asian? Italian?" And no matter what they say, we go to Guru's.

Of course, anyone who's been to Guru's knows that their food isn't authentic. Your burrito won't taste like there's an abuelita cooking in the kitchen, but it WILL taste veryveryveryvery good. (However, I noticed that there are a lot of Mexicans that work back in the kitchen, so maybe that helps some.)

Guru's is everything that Provo wants to be: hipster, but the kind that doesn't lose their teeth or get AIDS. It finds a way to stand out from other experiences without being too out-there and crazy. In some ways, we are all gurus (which I think is why they call it that).

Guru's says that it offers healthy food, but don't let that fool you. The food is anything but bland, dry, or saltless. Flavorful pastas, mouth-watering wraps, defrickinlicious quesadillas. Dang. I don't know how healthy the food is, but I do know it's good all day, er'day.


Have you ever noticed how some Mormons look the same? Like, their facial features. Round, blue eyes. Front teeth that are just a teeny bit bigger than usual? The same balding pattern? The people who look like that probably have the same pioneer ancestor. Maybe I should start asking. I mean, I'd only have to ask who their great great great great grandparents were and then see if they're all related to the same person. I think it might be a Scandinavian look.


I should stop writing in public places. I get distracted.

The best part of Guru's is the fry sauce. Homeboy don't know what goes into it, but it smacks of barbecue sauze, which, as we all learned yesterday, I LOVES me the barbecue sauze. Put that fry sauce on fries, put it on a wrap, put it on a sandwich, put it on your family -- it makes anything better.

Guru's sweet potato fries with their fry sauce. Good thing
looking at something is just as good as eating it. NOT.

So, just soes you know, y'all should eat at Guru's and y'all should expect more posts from me about Guru's.

I hit a wall and ate it

So last year, BYU tore down Outdoors Unlimited on campus and built a restaurant called The Wall.

First off, I'm a bit split about Outdoors Unlimited being torn down. It was nice to have that store because there was an automatic air pump outside that I used to pump up my bike tires. Butt I never actually went inside, so it was kind of useless if you get down to it.

Whoa. I'm typing this on the first floor of the BYU library and there's this lady making tons of copies with a photocopier. Am I allowed to use the photocopier? Holy cow.

So BYU built a restaurant called "The Wall" to fill in the empty space. Initially, I was hesitant about the whole thing because it reminded me of when the Awful Waffle relocated to the crazappy new location in The Village (now I never want to go there because of all the clean fashion people I could potentially see ... with the exception of Noah Robins). The Wall felt like it was trying to give off the hipster vibe of We're-a-hole-in-the-wall-but-also-we're-super-popular-and-make-our-employees-wash-their-hands. So it didn't feel authentic, I guess.

Anyway, but I went there and, even though it does give off a little bit of a fake-hipster aura, I think it's one of the classiest places to hang in Provo, especially if you put its food in your mouth.

I was there to listen to the legit sweetsick band Tri-Polar Bear (tripolarbearisthebestbandeverjointhearmy) play and to hang with some of my best bud friends.

I was feeling a little bit of a hungry, but I didn't know what to order for food. Luckily, my old roommate's wife's sister works there, so I didn't have to break social norms and talk to someone I don't know. I said, "Hey, Marley! What's good to eat here?" (I had to shout because the music was too loud. #halfofmehatesliveconcerts) She said, "Get the Wall Burger. It's really good." (She was also shouting.) So I did.

The Wall Burger is the best burger I've ever put in my mouth on BYU campus. There's nothing super fancy about it, it's just put together very well (like a classy lady). The patty was perfectly grilled, the lettuce was crunchy and crisp, the tomatoes were a perfect compliment to all other parts of the burger, and the cheese was dericiously melty.

What made the burger, though, what MADE the burger was the bun and sauce. The bun was quality multigrain. Both sides were sweet and thick (Y'know how the bottom bun is usually thinner than the top? I think they used the top bun for both sides.), but they were light enough to easily chew through. The sauce was to DIE for, darling. There was some kind of sauce that I don't remember (but it was grood) and BARBECUE sauze. If there's one thing Gordy loves, it's BARBECUE sauze. It's just so tangy but sweet but spicy. It's everything that makes America great. However, too much sauce is ALWAYS a bad thing. This burger hit it right in the sweet spot: not too much, not too little, just the right amount of sauze to make my tongue drool like a dog that can't feel one side of its face.

Man, I want to go back.

The fries were just like the burger: classically done and qualit-tay. They were crunchy on the outside but soft and warm on the inside. My insides liked them.

So friends, if you're ever on the BYU campus and you want to spend some quality time at a quality place with some quality food, eat The Wall.