I hate to get controversial, butt guys I had to answer the question all of Provo's been asking for years: Which is better: Magleby's or Kneaders French toast?
Both Magleby's and Kneaders are similar: bakeries, both in Provo, make delicious food, I've eaten there, my Mom's never been there, I've had dates at both places, they're managed by humans, and (the big one) they both have all-you-can-eat French toast breakfast deals.
But which French toast is the best? Where should you hanker your hankering for French toast?
To spare you the headache (stomachache) of trying to figure it out yourself, Monsieur Gordy decided to do some investigating of himself to get the answers for you the people.
In order to adequately explain why which is wonderfulllest, I will examine several things to explain the deliciousness level of each French toast.
Thing #1: Bread
Kneaders: Made out of something called "chunky brad." I don't know how to describe it, but it's chunky and cinnamony and super delicious. The texture is light but full, kind of like eating a pillow. It pulls apart real easy in your mouth. It's kind of like eating a cinnamon roll, but not as sweet. And did I mention that these things is THICK! The most I've ever eaten is four slices. That's saying something, folks.
Magleby's: Made out of some kind of bread, probably white bread. There's nothing super fancy about. It's not pillowy but it is easy to chew. The egg is tasteable (a little too tasteable for my taste buds). (Btw: Just for future reference, should I spell it "tastable" or "tasteable"? Comment below to let me know what you think.)
Thing #2: Syrup
Kneaders: Good. So good. Kneaders gives you a little shot of caramel syrup to spread over your French toast every time you go up for a refill. I shouldn't love it as much as I do, but I just can't get enough of this syrup. It's warm and thick, but not too thick or obnoxiously sweet like store-bought syrups. I live for it, man.
Magleby's: Lezbeonist: I don't like me buttermilk syrup very much. The first time I had it was on my mission. Initially, I liked it because it was kind of a novelty and I thought it was a clever alternative to maple (which is unavailable in Russia ... God bless America and the 51st State!). After a while, though, I realized it was just melted butter mizzed with sugar and buttermilk, so it went from "novelty" to "drinking butter gives me the squirts." Anyways, Magelby’s employs the method of using buttermilk syrup on its French toast. It's not bad, but it's WAY runny and doesn't even taste good.
Thing #3: Fruity Freshness
Kneaders: With your first plate of French toast, Kneader's gives you a couple sliced strawberries on the side. They're fresh and juicy, sir. And they taste great when they're covered in caramel syrup.
Magleby's: So here's where I tell all the truth, y'all: I've had the all-you-can-eat French toast at Kneaders, but I've only ever had the French toast platter at Magleby's. As such, I don't know if you get the same toppings with the all-you-can-eat deal or if it's different if you order just get the platter. Anyway, the platter comes topped with caramelized strawberries and bananas. Sounds good, right? But it isn't too good. It just tastes like old strawberries and old bananas. Not nearly as fresh and delicious as Kneaders.
Kneaders! Sorry, Magelby's, but your bread is too thin and your syrup so runny, it just makes everything soggy and less-than-saintly. On the other hand, the combo of Kneader's pillowy "chunky brad" with it's perfectly sweet caramel syrup and fresh strawberries make me want to eat a million slices of French toast even if my stomach maxes out at four. If you are missing anything in your life, a couple plates of this French toast will fill whatever void you might have.
What other Provo restaurants are similar but different? Comment and let me know which restaurants you think should go head-to-head next!