29.10.13

Guys, 5 Guys

I hope that the guys at Orem Food Blog won't get mad at me, but I ate at Five Guys and wanted to tell you the people all about it. Besides, I figure that Orem and Provo are basically the same city (except Orem has Walmart, so it's just a teeny bit classier).


Five Guys is located up the hill by the mall and the theater (now showing "The Saratov Approach" ... homeboy can't help but make a shout out to his biopic!). I went there with two of my associates from work: T-ravisaurus Rex (my boss) and Juancho Libre (my Venezuelan). Being an Orem native, Travis had been there prior to and was, therefore, the expert. Juanchito and I were the newbies. But, man, it went swell and I'll tell you why come.

Five Guys makes the classics and the classic only: burgers, fries, dogs, and grilled sandwiches. But it's the classics with a twist: you can put anything from their specially-selected toppings menu on your burger or dog without extra cost. That means you can have a burger with either some or all of the following: mayo, pickles, tomatoes, barbecue sauze, grilled mushrooms, onions, or hot sauce (just to name a FEW menu items). That's a dandy deal because there are those people that like their burgers plain and simple and those people (like me) who literally like all of the everything.

I ordered a burger and fries (kept things classysimple, just like the Five Guys menu) and warter (gotta keep that carbonated corn syrup out my system). I ordered a double cheeseburger with mayo, ketchup, mustard, lettuce, tomatoes, grilled mushrooms, bacon, and barbecue sauze. I got my fries Cajun style, which means they were covered with all sorts of seasoning stuffs. (I'm still not entirely sure what the definition of "Cajun" is, btw, if anyone cares to enlighten me.)


First, the burger: I haven't had a legitimately tasty home-style grilled burger since I moved away from home four years ago, but this thing was the exact equivalent. Lots of burger joints talk about being fresh, but Five Guys' tastes as fresh as an Idaho farm cow shot in front of a school bus of children. The patties literally taste like Dad just flipped them straight off the grill on the Fourth of July.

The toppings were just all as fresh as the patty (tomatoes nice and juicy, lettuce very crisp), but if I were to go back, I would do without the mustard and grilled mushrooms because 1) too many people like mustard so I hate it and 2) the mushrooms weren't cooked completely/didn't have enough butter (#PaulaDeenprobz) (#isthatCajun?). Also, I think I might try the jalapeno peppers next time.

Cajun fries

I have one thing to say about the Cajun fries: DON'T. They were way too salty/paprika-y/peppery/whatevertheheckelsewasonthem-y. I tried some of Travis's normal (not-Cajun) fries and they were acceptable. Even though they had been deep-fried, they tasted just as fresh as the burger. (In defense of the Cajun fries, though, since Five Guys is so fresh and tailored, Travis said that it depends on the day and who makes them how seasoned they are, so maybe I just got them on a bad day).

Dern! Five Guys be so fresh, they even tell you from whence the French-fried potatoes come!

Five Guys was great and I for sure need to go back someday. They got my barbecue, they got good burgers, and their fries taste like actual potatoes, not just deep-fried pieces of mush. If I were to suggest one thing to them: AVOCADOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. That would be a dream come true. But does barbecue sauze and avocado mix? Someone tell me plz.